I've posted a top ten previously. Now as a mom, I'd like to update the list with a new top ten. Warning: this post includes graphic details which may not be suitable for the squeemish.

1. Her poop really doesn't smell. Really! And it sounds hillarious when she's doing it. She makes this kissy face, grunts and grunts, followed by a succession of sloppy farts. Sorry for the graphic details, but it makes me laugh, which is important at three in the morning.
2. After ever meal, when waking up, getting out of the car seat, after a nice burp--pretty much any time she's not sleeping--she goes in for a BIG stretch. Arms over her head, back arched, head thrown back, and she makes this sound of sheer pleasure. (That's what's pictured above.)
   
3. The two little dimples that appear when she smiles.
   
4. She's getting male pattern baldness. Starting to look like Ben Franklin on top.
5. Her socks. Their so small!
6. Strangers talk to us and smile a lot. They seem to be more forgiving if I'm slowing up an isle in the store.
7. She calms down when I hold her. I have a special mommy odor that makes her happy. Maybe this is the pleasant aroma Paul mentions?
   
8. Tucking her into bed between Tim and I after her 5 am feeding. Sometimes its the only thing that makes her fall back asleep. We only do it once in a while. It's more of a treat for Tim and I than her.
9. Kissing her little hand when she's eating. She holds it out for me to kiss.
   
10. Knowing she trusts me completely.
    

We've got some new pictures this weekend. View the whole set on the link at the right "Lucy's Photos". Family, you can get full size images and order prints there. These are four of my favorites.




We are on our fourth week of life. She's grown out of her newborn diapers and this morning, her little tshirt didn't fit--she's gotten too long for it to snap. She's really growing up. Last night she went almost a full six hours between feedings. I woke up at 2:30 and realized how nice it was to get a solid 5 hours of sleep all in a row.

So all of our visitors have gone, and we have our first full week alone. It's a little scary and exciting at the same time. I feel up to the challenge of organizing our lives again, getting onto a routine. I feel a lot more settled into the job. Her cries don't stress me out as much, and I'm getting better at figuring out what she needs and when.

What I am learning most is how much sacrifice it is to be a parent, a mom especially. For me, life is no longer mine. I am truly a servant now. All of my own needs come second to hers. It's a tough adjustment, and at times it's left me feeling hopeless, lonely, and without a sense of identity. On the other hand, it's given me a deeper sense of prayer. A new respect for my own mom and all that she sacrificed for us.

Mostly, I feel like all of myself has been stripped away, and I don't know what's left underneath. I hope that doesn't sound too depressed. In a lot of ways, the loss of identity and my old purpose means that some new adventure is starting. Marriage didn't give me that feeling at all. I didn't have to change too much for marriage--just small adjustments. But this is like standing under a waterfall. There is nothing left untouched.

I can't decide if these two and a half weeks have been an eternity or a moment. Here's a few pictures of Lucy now. She's filled out a little. At her doctor's appointment this week we found she's gained four more ounces, putting her at 7 lbs 8 oz. and she grew a half an inch. She's starting to get that cute wrist fat, little wrinkles on her forearms, and a few on her little skinny thighs. She obviously has no trouble eating.

I'm doing better with this mom thing. My mother-in-law, Lavonne, has been here since Friday. Having another person at home with me makes all the difference. It helps with lonliness and my courage to keep moving on. Monday I got out of the house with Lucy for 4 hours. That's the most since I went into the hospital. It was a big day.

Looking for some help:
In thinking about returning to work part time in three more weeks, I wonder if it will be possible. A good friend of mine suggested that I look for someone who would have mornings or afternoons free-- someone that might want to come over and take care of a cute baby for a couple hours a couple times a week.

We're not sure if we'll need the help so I can get work done, but just in case, it would be nice to have a person lined up. Do you know anyone who might want to pinch some cheeks and rock a sweet little pea to sleep?

I've been watching a LOT of daytime tv since we got home. Sociologically, there's some pretty funny stuff on in the afternoon. here's a short list of what I've learned.

1. Based on the advertising content and talk shows, only women and old people watch tv in the afternoon. Presumably men are all working hard for the money--not watching tv and eating bon bons like all stay-at-home moms...what do they DO all day, anyway?
2. Regis and Kelly is the most rediculous talk show I've ever seen. This is for the old people. (You can tell by the advertising for denture cream, life insurance, funeral expenses, and the little rascal scooter.)
3. The Today Show and The Early Show leave their news roots at 8:00 am (when the men are off to work, I guess?) and become live versions of the Women's Day magazine.
   
4. All that women care about are clean bathrooms, stain free shirts and losing weight.
   
5. Women also really like to watch Judge "Somebody" shows. There are four or five in a row. We like to see the drama and yelling of Montel and Ricky Lake, but this has more justice to it.

My sixth point deserves it's own paragraph because it made me laugh so hard. Dr. Phil yesterday did a show about men who think their wives are too fat and unattractive. Each segment began with a video montage of the too fat wife and her emotional issues, sprinkled with mean and horrific comments by her husband about how he doesn't love her anymore because she's no longer the thin size she was when they first met. (a**holes. The videos were truly horrific, and I felt terrible for the women who had to sit through it on stage and watch as her husband belittled her physically.)

So the third segment begins with a video as described. Then the show cuts to commercial which were as follows:

1. LA Weightloss - It's swimsuit season! Get thin! Live life! You'll feel better about yourself!
   
2. Slimfast - Drink two a day and laugh your way to a thinner waist line!
3. Subway - Jared was really fat. He was miserable. He ate a lot of Subway and now he's rich, famous and happy!
4. Special K - A very thin girl is nervous about wearing her itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini, but since she ate corn flakes every day, breakfast, lunch and dinner, she's cute and happy!

Seriously. Doesn't anyone else find that amusing? Then they return to the show and tell the husband that he's a total a**hole (duh) and help the wife with hormone therapy to jump start her weightloss. Now their lives are wonderful. Thanks Dr. Phil.

Blessed sleep... Last night she went six hours between a feeding! Wahoo! That's almost an entire night's worth of sleep all in one shot.

We're working on being motivated to accomplish goals at the Grunditz house. I had no idea how difficult it would be to just get dressed before 1 pm. This morning we got up a little early and got ready for the day. Hence, my ability to blog this early. It definitely helps my emotional state to be productive, even if that just means folding a little laundry and checking email.

I wish I could explain how it feels to hold her and know that she's all mine. Last night after her feeding, she was wide awake. Her little features are so delicate; her lips are so red and full. She's such a pretty baby. I know all parents think that about their child. But last night I was really taken back by how pretty she is.

There's so much to think of. So much to worry about. So many years ahead of us that are unknown. I keep going back to this verse in Proverbs to keep me in check: How can we understand the road we travel? It is the Lord who directs our steps. (20:24)

We're just her stewards, Tim and I. We are charged with guiding her into truth, wisdom and right living. But she isn't our special possession: she's Christ's. I know in my own life, the pain and turmoil of trials and sin are the times I learn best. The reality is humans learn from pain, not from good times. It's hard to know that she'll make bad choices, experience loss and grief and terror. And we'll have to watch her go through all that--- and that ultimately it's for her own good. God orchestrates the trials of those He's called for their ultimate good. That has a whole other meaning as a parent.

Last night, we had our first big outing. I don't think Tim and I have ever been so popular...or I guess Lucy was the popular one. We were her stewards. We had a great time. It was so nice to be out and with our friends. Lucy got to spend some qt with her friend Sophia Meyer. They look so much alike with their dark hair, they could be twins.

The benefit seemed to be a big success. There were so many people there to support the Darlings. And it was a big spiritual encouragement to both Tim and I to see so many people from all the church locations there. We got a really great item in the silent auction-- a two night stay at a cabin in in Wisconsin. It's going to be a great fall retreat for us and Tim's parents and brother. Three bedrooms, a big pool, volleyball courts, and a lakeside view. We're already planning a fun family reunion.

Downer of the night: We lost our bid on the best item in the auction--- a speaking role in an upcoming Rock TV! We thought it would be a great opportunity for Lucy's big debut. But Elizabeth Cauldren beat us out at the last minute. Drat!

At any rate, we had a really good time and Lucy did fabulously.

Today we went to the doctor for her first check up. Seems she's already gained back her birth weight plus a half an ounce! (Babies generally lose a percentage of their birth weight and are given until six weeks to gain it all back.) So eating is not Lucy's problem. She's got a cute double chin now.

Life at the Grunditz household is... well sort of settling down. Our visitors have left today, and we are trying to focus on managing daily activities like laundry, dishes, groceries and small goals like checking email. I'm surprised at how difficult it is to have the energy for even the smallest tasks. THIS is why you need to take six weeks off of work.

Our goal today is to get to The Rock tonight. But we'll see how it goes. We have an outing on Saturday to attend with the Grunditz family. And Sunday is Jessica Darling's benefit. It sounds rediculous especially after our busy schedules before Lucy arrived that a single engagement is a mountain of a goal. Seriously, it's a big goal for me to take a shower every day.

But the sleeping has been getting progressively better. Last night we did awesome. She's started to be more awake during the day and sleep harder at night. Less fussy time spent awake, which means mom and dad get a solid two hours between feedings. YES!

For expectant mothers: the best thing we've used so far is the Mama's Milk Baby Sling or any other type of sling. Holy crap. It puts her right to sleep even when she's super fussy. It must feel like she's back in the womb or something. I can do anything with it on. I washed the sheets and remade the bed with her in it. And she didn't even flinch.

Genesis 1:31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

Well we made it to day six. She's already grown so much. We went to the doctor on Monday and discovered she's quite the eater. We've got no problem with her gaining weight. She's already just 4 ounces from her birth weight. As expected the nights are the toughest. Worse for Tim than me since I get to take a nap or two during the day.

By far, the hardest thing is my emotional rollercoaster. Nobody warned me about that part. At any given point in the day I could be sitting in tears or as confident and as happy as ever. By the evening, I'm usually pretty full of anxiety... Can I really do this? Will I ever be able to leave the house again? How on earth will I ever get to appointments and make coffee dates? Or change the cat litter? How do women DO this??

But then whenever I hold her, all that goes away. I stop worrying about what will come tomorrow or tonight, and just feel good being with her. As you can see from the pictures below, she's already filled out a bit. Her cute cheeks are a little fatter. And we're looking forward to her pencil legs to getting a few rolls.

Stay tuned!

Wow. So we made it home. In brief, the whole experience of delivery was really good. Funny, after I finished typing out the post on Thursday, I called the nurse line. My contractions were speeding up. I literally got up from the computer, dialed the phone, and my water broke. So we were off to the hospital and in a room by 6:00 pm on Thursday.

I chose the epidural route and it was definately the way to go. I slept through the final five hours of my labor--in fact, when I woke up, the nurse realized Lucy had already made her way down the birth canal. Thank you God for epidurals. It was an 1 hour and 45 minutes of pushing and she arrived. No pain at all in the pushing. And no tearing. (Wahoo!) She came out with a scream.

She definately has the Grunditz lips. We'll see in a few weeks as she fills out who she looks more like. But you can weigh in on your own opinions. Below are a few of the shots from Lucy's first day.

I took off from work a little early today. Started to freak me out because the contraptions (as Tim calls them) were getting really strong and closer together. My coworkers think I'm crazy for being at work in the first place. But what are you going to do? Sit at home?

At any rate, I'm sitting at home now. They're a little under 10 apart and as soon as they shrink up a little more we'll try for the hospital. A few things I've learned:

1. They hurt. A lot. Like the worst side ache you've ever had. And when somebody makes you laugh while you are having one it's terrible because it hurts to laugh, and then you start making these crazy gulping sounds. Just a little tip for my pregnant friends, that's how you know these are real and not the braxton hicks variety..... sorry I had to pause in the typing for one. (8 minutes now)
2. It's not really all that scary. It's sort of exhilarating. Or maybe I'm just wired. This Tuesday, Mark D was referring to something completely different when he said that men need a challenge---something that makes them rise to the occasion. A war. A battle. Something to conquer. I guess that's how I feel about this whole labor process.
3. No matter how terrible it is during the process, you get a baby at the end (assuming good health). What's better than that? Even if it's a terrible 24 hours of pain and suffering, you get these fat, pink little arms to call your own.
   
4. It's really fun to see my husband all excited. Since he's been home with me the last hour or two, he's been talking to friends and coworkers, telling them all that I'm in labor. He's really excited and it's so awesome to see him that way. It really makes this fun for me. And I can't wait to see how he'll react when we finally get to meet Lucy.

Well. That's all I got for now. I'll probably be away from the computer for a while. Friends and family, I'll be leaving updates on my voicemail. Not likely to return any calls, but you can get updates there.

k

In case you were all wondering, I still do not have a baby. But thank you for asking... I need some type of warning system like the national broadcasting system.

I did go to the doctor today. The news is I'm totally effaced and a bit over 1 cm dilated. At today's visit, my midwife stripped my membranes. (If you are male, you may not want to know what that means :) Then she sent me off to the mall for a couple hours of walking before work this morning.

You know what? When there's no one to talk with, nothing to shop for, and no money to buy things, the mall is a pretty boring place to be. I actually called it quits a half an hour early because I just was too bored with mall walking. Let that one go down in the books.

If the stripping was effective, I might go into labor in the next day or two. But who knows? Maybe I could go run some stairs or something. Do some squats. Roll around on an exercise ball.